We are back on track. After my small meltdown due to more bleeding all is fine again. Yet again! I'm really getting fed up of all these dramas and I just want a stress free pregnancy, but I guess that's not really possible, we all worry don't we, no matter how small the issue. Its just hard to imagine losing this baby, so guess what, I'm not going too and this baby is here to stay.
We went to the hospital yesterday to the maternity assessment unit and saw a really lovely doctor. She asked me lots and lots of questions, mostly about the bleeding and my level of activity prior to the bleeding. Then she got me up on the bed and would you bloody believe it out came the damn speculum again, I am not a fan of this device, so they cranked me open and took a swab of the area, also she left me open wide and she had a good nosey in there and the good news was she couldn't see any blood at all right up there, not a bit, so the brown blood is really old blood. She then took out the speculum and did an internal exam with her fingers, or should I say practically her whole arm! anyway she said everything felt perfect. Once all this was done I sat back down and she completely reassured me that everything is fine and there are a million reasons for a small bleed, there is so much stretching and moving going on so its normal for a bit of irritation on the cervix etc to cause some spotting.
I wasn't allowed another scan yesterday as the doctor would get in trouble with the scan department for doing an un-necessary scan so close to when I just had my last one. So we went down to the scan department and got one booked in for this coming Wednesday. The doctor said "lets just let you have another look at the baby for that extra reassurance", but as far as she is concerned we are all good and on track.
And funnily enough after she did her examinations I haven't had anymore spotting. Perhaps she pulled the last of it out. So I'm blood free and feeling good again.
Another thing that was picked up was that I have a negative blood type, which meant that I needed an injection in my bum. lovely. This is because if our baby has a positive blood type, my negative blood type might attack the baby's blood, or something along those lines, was rather confusing, but that's the way me and gardener guy took it. We don't know gardener guys blood type and of course we don't know the baby's blood type so I have to have this shot, this will last me for 6 weeks then I will need another one and then I think another few during my pregnancy. So more dignity gone, bum stuck out and shot in. An hour later and we left the hospital all sorted!
So Wednesday will be nice to see bubba again, because of all this bleeding we have had 2 extra scans so its quite nice to get another chance to see the baby, I just want to lie there all day watching it, its so cool. And the following week we have our midwife appointment and she will use a doppler so we can hear the heartbeat.
Sorry for all the moaning and groaning, will leave you all in peace now till we see the baby again on Wednesday. Good luck for any upcoming tests and results to anyone who is having those.
So since the amazing scan on Tuesday afternoon there has been a bit of unwanted drama.
Obviously the scan went great on Tuesday and there was nothing at all wrong, then I woke up on Wednesday morning and was spotting again. Am not too worried as its just brown spotting again like it was with the 7 week bleed but still it was something I really didn't want to see. I straight away rang my midwife who assured me that it didn't sound like anything to worry about so I carried on as normal. But upon waking up this morning I just couldn't be bothered worrying anymore, the spotting is still there and I just want my mind put at ease.
So I got in touch with my midwife this morning and she said she will get the hospital to see me. So I have an appointment at 1pm today. I will get to hear the heartbeat and just get that reassurance I need. I'm pretty sure it will be ok, for goodness sake we only saw the baby on Tuesday happily wriggling round! It seems like my pregnancy is doomed to be stressful! as if the IVF wasn't enough. The worry sucks, I just want to relax, and I think after today I will. I will relax and realise that perhaps this bleeding is just part of my pregnancy and will have to deal with it and relax.
Will let you know how I get on, and I really really hope this will be the last worry for us!
So we have just got home from our 12 week scan, and my goodness it was very very amazing! Me and gardener guy were so amazed by the clarity of the scan and what we could see, it was very cool.
Ill first explain the above two pictures, these are my favourite two. The top one is clearly a picture of it's whole body, you can clearly see its head, body and legs, its arms are tucked behind its back, like it is lying on its arms.You can also clearly see its nose and mouth.
The second picture I really liked as thought it was very clear of its little arms and hands. On the left hand side you can clearly see its bend arm and its hand and on the right side picture the circle thing is its head and underneath its head is its hand, so it was resting its head on its hand.
We were given a big print out picture of a whole body shot and a disk with 20 other pictures of lots of different body parts.
When I was told to lie down on the bed I just knew then that I had nothing to worry about it all felt like it was fine, and straight away there was our little baby, it was up on a big screen on the wall so we both got a good view. I could feel the amazement radiating off gardener guy as we saw everything.
To begin with the baby was asleep! how cute is that, typical mid day napper, takes after me. So it wasn't moving, I said to the nurse that lots of woman had said their baby was moving lots and why wasn't ours, but after she pushed around on my belly a bit more it suddenly woke up! that was really cool! it started wriggling around and turning onto its side and then we saw it put its hand up to its face, and I tell ya it was just all so clear! one thing it kept doing which the nurse commented on was putting its face down so its chin was touching its chest and then stretching its legs right out, the nurse said it was funny as it was trying to curl its face up into its chest. Another pretty amazing sight was seeing its heart beating away in its chest, its was like you could see right through its chest and see the little pulsing heart.
So as you can tell all in all we were left amazed and happy. And yes it does make it more real, well some what, I still cant believe that baby on the screen is growing inside of me, I literally never thought I would ever see this day, I was convinced it would never come ever. I think anyone who is having IVF should try to believe that it will work, I cant thank IVF enough for what I saw today, If we hadn't done IVF I know for sure I wouldn't be where I am now, and who knows if I ever would have been in the future. As much as I cursed the whole damn thing and hated it and at times wanted to lie in bed and never get up again I'm so damn glad I kept going.
Now we just look forward to our next midwife appointment in 2 weeks time and we will get the results from the scan as to weather the baby is at high or low risk of being down syndrome, not that it matters but that's what the scan and blood results will tell us. Our next scan will be in 8 weeks time and then we can find out the sex, lets just hope the baby co-operates and isn't napping away with its legs crossed, a nice big stretch at the right time would be appreciated thanks little baby or you may just be wearing white clothes for the rest of your life!
I am quite liking my little belly. I tend to catch myself looking at it a little too often, is it really there or am I just imagining it? I ask my husband, "have I always had a stomach that sticks out this much"?, his reply is thankfully "no", its got bigger! Lucky he's a clever man and knew the right answer!
So I know these picture's aren't really much but something is definitely starting to stick out, which does surprise me as so many woman have said they had no belly at all at 12 weeks, am I going to have a mega huge baby? I think when I stand side on like I am in these pictures its quite noticeable but if I was just strolling around town no one would ever know, I still am wearing my own clothes and not maternity stuff, but as woman are we can always tell in ourselves when our own body is changing and I feel mine sure is. I think it's quite nice to document the growing belly, I say that now, yet when I'm the size of a whale I may not be so keen to share my whale like body with you all. If you are around the same stage as me, how is your belly progressing?
Tomorrow afternoon is our 12 weeks scan and we are both very excited and a little worried, there is always this thought in the back of my mind that it's little heart may have stopped beating and my growing belly is just because of my new love of ice cream, but all in all I really do think its all going to be fine and it will be so cool to get a life like picture of the wee bubba.
Ill let you know tomorrow how the scan goes tomorrow and then only 1 week till I will be in my second trimester!
Hi all, I'm back and in today's post I thought I'd answer some questions. I have read some questions and answers on other woman's blogs and find it quite interesting, so I've compiled my own set for you to read. If by the end of all this you still have unanswered questions about me, well then really you are just way to interested in me and quite frankly need to get out more.
* How Many weeks am I?
let's start off with a boring question with a non juicy answer, I'm 11 weeks, bang on today!
*What has been the best part of being pregnant so far?
For me really I think just feeling at ease, being able to go to bed at night without the worry of infertility and thinking about what to do next. Having exactly what I have wanted for so so long. And definitely seeing our baby's little heart beat. And of course being able to be a fat pig and get away with it, also being extra bossy and demanding is now quite acceptable, well to a certain degree anyhow.
* What has been the worst part of being pregnant?
Seeing blood! for sure, that had to be the scariest moment ever, all that horrible fear of having something so precious taken away from me was just dreadful. And from then on I guess the fear of something bad happening isn't that fun, I have been trying to contain this but just sometimes I still get a little worried. And I have to say it, the constipation.
* Any food cravings?
Well, let me see, I have gone through phases, first I wanted mince pies then apple pies and I seem to always want burgers, for a brief second I wanted fruit and did eat quite alot of it then realized that it never is going to taste as good as a burger. But the weirdest thing for me is I'm batty about desserts, I never really was into sweet things all to much before, I would never order a dessert when I was out and didn't want a dessert at home, but oh my, now I want anything sweet. If you are out there and you are a dessert maker, bring me a big cream pie! I also had my first 'I want food meltdown' last week, it was 9pm and I was dying for a cheeseburger, I actually started crying and begging gardener guy to get out of his Pj's and drive me down to McDonald's. I was a weeping mess, but of course I got my burger!
* What's happening in the weight department?
Nothing really too bad. A few articles of clothing are starting to feel a bit uncomfortable and I have stopped wearing fitting tops as I just feel like I have a bit of a gut hanging over my pants and not that really cool preggy belly, so I've put those away till I develop a nice round belly.I cannot do up my nice winter coat anymore, although there is a valid reason for this, I brought this coat last year living under the allusion that I would never ever put on a single pound, not even a half a pound, not even a quarter a pound, and I brought it only just being able to fit it, it had no room for error, I either never ate again or I didn't get the coat, I chose the option of buying this fabulous coat and praying I never gained an inch, so there you go, this coat being unable to button up was a given really. I do have plenty of maternity and loose clothes, I was given quite alot and have brought a few essential pieces - some skinny leg jeans and some nice shorts and a dressy skirt. The rest of the stuff is great for everyday use. I have ordered 2 Hotmilk maternity bras online as my current bras are getting too tight and uncomfortable, I will try and wear these for as long as I can push it though.
* What is Gardener guys main views on the pregnancy?
Well obviously sheer joy and relief and feeling so happy. He mainly just wants the baby here now, he doesn't talk about it as much as I do at the moment, but I think that for him this is just a bit of a boring stage, he cant physically tell I'm pregnant and there is no exciting kicks for him to feel so its just a waiting game for him. His 2 things he dislikes about this pregnancy is that I have turned into a bit of a physco, I am told the hormones settle down when I enter my second trimester so I bet he will be pleased for that, the other shitty thing for him is he is not allowed to have sex with me!!! since the bleeding at 7 weeks, our fertility doctor told us to stop having sex till I reached 12 weeks! so its been a gruelling 4 weeks so far and 1 more to go. Seriously though anyone would thing the guy was dying, It's only 5 weeks after all, but I guess for men that's a lifetime and oh boy don't I hear about it!
* Any question I wont answer?
You may think, yeah right, this girl will ramble on about anything you ask her, well surprise surprise, there is one question I wont answer and that is - what name will you call your baby? We have a very definite name for a boy and a girl which we both love. I want to keep this a secret because I figure everything else couldn't really be kept a surprise, I chose to open up and tell people in my life that I was doing IVF and obviously I had to let everyone know the results each time, so getting pregnant wasn't such a huge surprise, not that I would have had that any other way, I needed that support and I wanted my friends and family to know. Since we are going to find out the sex and we will tell people the sex when we find out I just think It will be kind of nice to keep the name a surprise.
* What have I got for the baby/need to get for the baby?
I know I'm only 11 weeks pregnant and so many woman at his stage have nothing at all sorted, but you must understand I'm a planner, I like to have things sorted, and the fact that I have been trying for a baby for 2 and a half years kind of gave me time to think about what I wanted and collect little things over that time. So here goes: We have got a new white cot and white change table, a new carseat, a new moses basket, a new single buggy and a double buggy (for when I start back working), a playmat. I have brought second hand or been given - an armchair for feeding, a baby bath, a bouncenette, an Advent microwave sterilizer, a front pack. My mum has also kept me in supply of nappies, wipes, creams, and all sorts of lotion and potions, she has also been knitting all sorts of cute stuff. I have clothes that I have collected over time but am not buying anymore till we know the sex. The main things I have yet to get that I want are a monitor, an electric breast pump, a nappy bag (which I am very particular about and have been keeping my eye on a few), and really just some other little bits and pieces. So yes I probably am a little more obsessed than your average pregnant woman, but really the way I got to this point wasn't exactly average, I am so excited and I just want to have everything I want for this baby and I don't really care about spending a load of money as I think I deserve to get some nice new things for this baby, why stop spending aye, it has already cost us a bundle, may as well keep costing more!
* Thing's I am not looking forward too?
Just the biggie, but the most important part of this all, giving birth! lets be honest here, no one exactly looks forward to pushing a whole human out of their vagina. I am not looking forward to the pain and I guess the unknown, I hate the unknown, I cant say what will happen, if it will be a long drawn out labour or if I will need a cesarean or if there will be complications of if it will be nice and quick. Who's to know? no one at this point and I think that is pretty scary. But even though it wont be a bag of laughs, I will just need to keep focused and calm and keep thinking about what I'm getting at the end of it all.
* What does the future hold for Clewis and Gardener Guy?
A healthy happy baby I think! Some really happy times. We have gardener guys parents coming over from the UK in December to look forward to, we have a happy Christmas to look forward to with no broken hearts, we have New years, we have another birth in the family, we have Gardener guys birthday, our wedding anniversary, all this before the baby arrives! We also hope to extend our family and have a second baby not too far behind the first, we don't know if this will happen naturally or if we will have to use our frozen embryo but watch this space people, there may be more little gardener people arriving in the near future!
Hooray for 10 Weeks!, although it feels like a lifetime ago that I was told I was pregnant, the first trimester goes slow! I cannot wait till our 12 week scan, so exciting, only 2 weeks to go (obviously..... you don't need to be a mathematician to work that one out).
10 week funny pregnancy goings on are as follows: well lets see, some things aren't exactly that funny, constipation, need I say more, it doesn't exactly have me rolling around in fits of laughter. I seriously cant remember the last time I had a decent poo! I have tried several things but nothing is really working so I guess I'm just hoping it will soon sort itself out, I refuse to drink prune juice again, the most disgusting thing to ever pass my lips. secondly, the morning sickness issue, I am still all ok, I have gotten off so lucky with this. I am still tired but I am kind of getting used to this, my boobs haven't seemed to have gotten too much bigger since the last update but they still look a bit odd. I am eating like a fat pig, I want to eat and eat and eat. I get fixated on a certain food and that is that. Yesterday I was extremely grumpy for no reason, today I feel better. As far as weight gain, well none, I just think my belly is starting to look like I have eaten too many pies, (fairly accurate), and doesn't look pregnant, I just look a bit round, like my waist seems a bit thicker.
Upcoming exciting stuff: 12 week scan, seeing our little baby moving around in there and actually looking like a real baby, getting a baby bump!!! some friends have told me they started to get a wee stomach pouch at 12 weeks and then at about 16 weeks it just all of a sudden stuck right out! cant wait. Second midwife visit on the 23rd August, 20 week scan to find out the sex (I think it's a girl). That's all for now, obviously as I get further along there are lots more exciting things to experience but we will leave it at that for now.
Sorry my posts have been a bit boring and short lately, Isn't it funny that when you have things to moan about you can write and write and write forever and probably annoy the living shit out of everyone but when there is nothing to moan about the posts are nice and short which is probably easier to tolerate. Also I know my posts have been a bit less frequent but I promise I am still going to keep up with it and keep posting.
Today I am off out, In the freezing cold weather, we have got a bit of a cold streak going on here, its just nasty, perhaps the reason for my constipation is that everything up there has frozen solid! not a pretty image! Best get out in the sun and perhaps loosen things up so to say, beats that damn prune juice, but enough said on that subject, I am still a lady after all.
What is considered to be the perfect baby? Would you like you baby to have blue eyes? curly hair, no hair, a small nose, a quiet baby, a smiley baby? What would make a baby perfect? I think what ever kind of baby we have that it will be perfect for us, which brings up the issue or really for us a non issue of the down syndrome possibility.
We have our 12 week scan in just under 3 weeks and this will tell us the likely hood of our baby having down syndrome. What would we do if we found out we had a high chance that our baby was a down syndrome baby? well in a nut shell, nothing. Not a thing. To me and gardener guy this was never even up for discussion, all it was was one night I said "what would you want to do if we were told at this scan that we were likely to have a down syndrome child", straight away he replied "nothing", and that was it. This baby is ours and we will not terminate it because of this small disadvantage. I have had a couple of people say to me lately, 'why would you make your life harder by keeping a baby with down syndrome', and yes everyone is entitled to their opinion but I just think I wouldn't necessary be making my life harder, sure there would be more challenges but we both think it would be well worth it and we hope that we could provide our child with an easy wonderful life should it have down syndrome. So I guess to some people a down syndrome baby is not the perfect baby they would have imagined and to be honest for me its not the perfect baby I would imagine but who has the right to say what a perfect baby is, I'm sure our baby will be perfect, down syndrome or not. Any views on this?
Recently I have noticed that I have lost a couple of followers, sad face. I really really hope I have not offended anyone. I really understand that sometimes when you are following blogs alot of them start to become pregnancy blogs and you realise one day you are reading more pregnancy blogs than infertility blogs so you decide to clear some out and find more infertility blogs, I know this full well, I have done it myself. I just hope it is that and nothing I have said to rub someone up the wrong way. I guess I will never know, I just don't want to piss people off or upset someone that is already vulnerable, as I know that for me sometimes it only took a small thing some days to set me off. Its hard, and I don't want to make it more harder for anyone.
We look forward to our 12 week scan, I have been told we will get a really good view and that it starts to look like a little bubba so that's pretty cool and I'm sure just like every other parent looking at their baby we will look at ours and it will be just perfect.
