NEGATIVE....Story of my life

The clinic just rang and unfortunately it was negative. The nurse told me that she was really sorry to say this to me again and her words were "We are really going to need to crank things up, and do IVF". Since these 3 IUI's havent worked it's unlikely that it will work naturally, so IVF it will be. We have an appointment on Jan 17th with our doctor and we are hoping that we can qualify for funding, otherwise paying it will be! either way IVF will be happening early new year.I never would have imagined I would ever get to this point, IVF has always been seen as something people with huge problems do, is that really me? Obviously it is.

At the moment I'm feeling very upset. Towards the end of my phone conversation with the nurse I started to lose it, shed a few tears, poor nurse, didn't want to make her feel bad, so managed to only just hold it together. I  Text a few people that were waiting to hear, and rang my husband. I hate telling people, its very unpleasant. My husband was pissed off, concerned I was ok, what more can I say, the poor man will now have to endure IVF with me. I'm also so mad at myself for letting myself think otherwise, letting myself get stupid hope in my head, thinking I might be pregnant, what a joke, pregnancy is never going to happen for me, I'm just going to have to watch from the sidelines at other people's happiness.That's how I feel at the moment.


I'm sorry there wasn't happier news to report, All i ever do these days is tell people sad news, cry and have this constant cloud over my head, when will this end? when will this bad feeling leave me? I do know ill be more upbeat and full of hope when the IVF starts, after all the success rates are so much higher. I hope during the IVF I can continue to chat with some of you ladies that are also going to start IVF. We need to beat it, One of us at a time, till we are all fat and pregnant!


Till then all I can do is look after my husband and let him look after me.One day we will hold our baby, We just have to, till that day ill never give up, no matter how many of these low days like today I have. Ill never give up.


ps: this will be my last post till 1st Jan,as we are going away this afternoon.