Monkeying around

Apparently a man dressed in a monkey suit performing a children's show has the ability to make me cry these days, ridiculous right? Well it wasn't so much the actual monkey that made me cry, so let me explain.

Today I took the boys I look after to the mall to see a performance with a monkey and other children's characters in it. Picture 60 plus children and a performing monkey, a recipe for disaster for any woman who wants a baby as badly as me right? So the giant monkey got a few kids up on stage for a competition to guess how many lollies were in a jar, as the children stated their name and age into the microphone looking oh so proud of themselves, that's when the weeping began. I was the weird woman at the back going 'ohhhhh' 'oh bless her', crazy right! they were just so damn cute and made me so sad that I didn't have kids, sometimes my emotions just get the better of me, I can be in a really hard sitaution and cope really well, or be in a situation like today and all of a sudden crumble, there is no rhyme or reason to it, it just happens, anyhow I proceeded to get even worse on the crying front when one particularly cute little girl made a ridiculous guess of there being a grand total of 5 lollies in the jar, when there so clearly was over 100! was just too cute! The actual total was 130, but man there were some silly guesses, the funniest being 1million! who wouldn't cry at that cuteness right?


Maybe your thinking, 'well at least you get to be round children', some people who cant conceive have no contact with children, so surely its nice to have contact with kids, well I would have to say no. Its damn hard, Ive said it before and ill say it again, it hurts, every damn day. Another lovely person at the supermarket came up to me today and shoved her face into the buggy and said "oh, look at you boys" then asked me their names, ages, were they mine and were they brothers, this is a fucking lot of talking to a stranger in the supermarket, too much for me if you ask, you may be seeing a trend here, supermarkets just don't seem to be a good place for me to hang out at. After I answered her questions I very quickly got the hell out of there before I threw my broccoli in her face. Why oh why do people ask me these questions all the time!!! I just don't get it. Do your grocery shopping and keep to yourself. You know what, when I actually have my own child, I'm going to walk into that supermarket holding my baby above my head screaming "SHES MINE, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS FINE SPECIMEN". 

Another example of an awkward situation I found myself in (yes I somehow propel into awkward situations head first these days) was when I went round to my friends house for a visit in the weekend (the friend who has just had the baby boy), well all was good, we were having a good catch up and then she told me one of her friends who she hadn't seen in ages was quickly popping in with her little girl, now I know my friend doesn't like to put me in awkward situations, she's just not like that, but anyhow so she came over with her little 10 month old girl, (cute as a button of course), she also brought her parents, so there I was sitting with this stranger,the strangers little girl and the strangers parents, my friend and her children and it was all very 'family, family'. I was pretty much praying to the gods at this point that they wouldn't ask me if I had kids. So they were all chatting about the new baby, and their little girl and I was sitting there like a big lump of lard in the corner, anyone would have though I had a speech problem, as in I couldn't speak. I even had to hear the words "oh, there must be something in the water round here, everyone is having babies"............ohhhhhh well this set me over the edge, how awkward, I see my friend give me an "are you ok" type glance, shit, I'm stuck here, shit what do I do? I know, Ill continue not to speak! that will work, maybe they will even forget I'm here at all. And excuse me but what is this damn miracle water you speak of? cause it sure as hell isn't coming out of my tap. Luckily all this ended not too long after the miracle water comment as my husband came and picked me up. I made a hasty exit. Jesus!!


What's a girl to do when most days I  feel like a mad aggressive gorilla surrounded by families of cute cheerful monkeys? you tell me, I'm almost done with all the swinging from tree to tree and never getting anywhere. Enough monkeying around, this gorilla has had it.