As promised I have included 2 pictures of the babies room, I couldn't really decide what pictures gave the best view so these two will do. The first one shows one side of the room with the change table, play mat, bouncenette, the drawers my husband re vamped and put new handles on and my feeding chair which was a real bargain! and a very special blanket from gardener guys grandmother handing over the chair. On the wall some cute fishes that my cousin gave me. And the second picture shows the cot and bedding I brought for him, I just love love love this bedding, it cost me an arm and a leg but I think it's well worth it! There are lots of other pictures I took of the room of different things but lets not bore you to death, these give a good look at it.
This weekend In New Zealand we had a public holiday so it was a long weekend so it was a good time to get the room sorted and amazingly I only have 7 weeks 3 days till I stop work for my Christmas break (yes I am counting down the days). So it was a good time to get it sorted, We also have gardener guys parents arriving from the UK then too so I wanted to get it all sorted before they arrived, not that they are staying with us, they have their own accommodation close by but I still wanted it all sorted before they got here. It was so so much fun putting it all together and putting away all his clothes, it gave me a good look at the amount of clothes I had actually brought and stuffed away it bags in the wardrobe! alot!! To me every time I walk into his room I'm amazed that there is actually going to be someone in their in a few months, its some thing I only dreamed of just 6 months ago, and now I'm here actually putting my sons clothes away in his drawers, MY SON!! (or I should probably say our son, my husband had just a wee bit to do with getting him here).
After gardener guy had assembled the cot and change table I pottered around in the room sorting everything else out while he cleared off outside, I wanted the finished product to be a surprise. When I was done he came in and had a look, he was so impressed with it all and he was just so so happy! he even pretended lifting an invisible baby out of the cot, so cute! he told me later on that night that he is so happy and he just cant wait to have our son in the room and that its all so amazing and the best thing ever. What a change from a few months ago! It just goes to show if you want something bad enough you just have to keep trying and finding a way, no matter what it is, and hopefully if your lucky eventually you will win and when you do all the heartache becomes worth it. We don't forget how hard it was, I certainly haven't just forgotten, its still there, the feeling of "why me" is still there and knowing that having a baby will never come easy for us is still very much present in my mind. Me and gardener guy still discuss our little frozen embryo alot, we wonder weather it is a boy or a girl, we wonder weather it will survive when we choose to implant it, we hope it will. We want lots of children, we realize we may only get 2 children, if this frozen embryo works, chances are we wont conceive naturally. We also realize that we may only even have our son, the frozen embryo may fail , and then what? But even thought we are very realistic that those 2 possibilities may be it for us we still very much try to believe that we may strike it extra lucky, we may conceive naturally, our frozen embryo may implant and survive, and we may just have 3 or more children!!!. We have discussed that birth control is not something I am ever going to go back on, why the hell would I? we figure if I conceive naturally (no matter how soon after this baby), that it is a gift, and a free gift at that! paying to get our babies is what its come down too so a freebie would be amazing. I think some people, not everyone, take for granted that they have sex and boom the next month they are up the duff, they are lucky, they haven't had to drain their bank account, they are not carrying a baby that cost them $26,000. So as you can tell, the whole IVF thing never really leaves us. We are now happy and blessed but who knows how I'm going to feel when the time comes to set foot back in that dreaded fertility clinic again.
Ok, moving on...... Today I am 23 weeks and fat. Yes I am surely a pregnant woman. I'm not that into being so large, I mean I love feeling my baby in there but I'm a fatso. My belly is just sticking out like crazy. People who haven't seen me in a while are now starting to throw round words like "oh your blooming" and "your definitely on your way", all of which by the way are just code words for "your fat". I mean yes I've got the biggest boobs in the whole world and I haven't had a pimple for almost 6 months but I'm still fat. Really I don't care, its just frustrating sometimes with clothing and walking past a mirror when you think "god she needs to go to Jenny Craig, oh hold on that's me". I have seen a really nice little black dress online, maternity of course, so really the description 'little black dress' isn't so accurate, more 'giant black cloak' but anyhow I saw this little/big black dress online which is very sexy, it is a going out dress and is kind of a silky material so I'm going to buy this, at least when I go out ill feel like I have something decent to wear, in saying that I'm not sure where the hell I plan to be going in such an item but never the less I will have it on hand. Saves me trying to come up with some wacky outfit that comprises of layers and layers of singlets and jeans with a waist band up to my ears. Big black dress - on and out the door. Done.
My last point of interest is that I have now started feeling the baby roll, yes you heard right, the little guy is doing somersaults, in my belly there is actually a person doing roley poleys. I am starting to think he is just showing off now and thinking he is a right clever gymnast as I can feel this alot now. As apposed to a kick which feels like a definite prod, this feels like a wave in my stomach, its a really really strange feeling. Gardener guy is still to feel the baby kick properly, well the other night I told him AGAIN to put his hand on my belly and the baby did kick, I said to gardener guy "did you feel that? and he said "what, you moving", I told him, no, that wasn't me that was the baby. It wasn't one of his strongest kicks, so I think gardener guy felt a bit ripped off, its a shame though as if he had caught him doing a big kick he would have felt it more. But he will soon enough.
I'm off to have a nap (as you do at 1.30 in the arvo). Ahhhh....The life of a fatso aye.