Monday, April 4, 2011

Causes for Infertility, who knows?

The safest place for a man trying to conceive is in his bubble
I have no idea what cause infertility, but apparently many people on the internet do. And what causes infertility, well in a nutshell, everything!

So tonight gardener guy got to thinking about his sperm. As we always are looking for reasons for infertility he started getting concerned that maybe it was his fault, which it isn't, his sperm are fine, they have been through all the tests. He was worried that he wasn't doing all he could do to help so he got on the internet, big mistake!

He came across a very funny website, where a doctor claimed that many things can be the cause of infertility, this gave us a damn good laugh and that was about it. A few of the things that can be a cause of infertility are as follows - using anti perspirant deodorant, of course why didn't we think of this! it's bad enough that people probably turn the other way when they see me coming for fear of more infertility talk but now I've got to add b o to my list of put offs. Now I cant even have a nice hot shower or bath to wash off all that b o, because this is not allowed either, especially gardener guy, we don't want his balls to explode with all that heat, so on the heat issue, that cuts out electric blankets, a big no no, and no standing in front of the fire on a cold night because that will heat up your balls and then you are fucked, looks like it will be a cold winter at our house this year. It's ok to drink a beer or two and smoking is probably not too bad as long as you are not riding a bike! yes you heard right, those balls of gardener guys are allowed no where near a bike seat....why? who the hell knows. Obviously don't eat any meat because you never really know where it has come from, so vegetarian all the way, and unless you are growing vegetables yourself, don't eat them as you don't know what has been sprayed on these so you better not eat them either, best not to eat at all really, just to be safe. Avoid contact with cat feces was another one, so don't go rubbing your cat's shit all over your hands, or your man's balls. Because so many people do that! 

For goodness sake the world is a lethal place, everything is a potential hazard. Gardener guy just better avoid farting in case it releases some kind of toxic fumes that he may inhale that then may increase his body temperature and make his balls explode! I think we just need to wrap the whole house in glad wrap and hop into our bubble where we are safe.

So many strange things are to be read on the Internet, what you take on board is up too you. But personally I don't fancy being a smelly starving woman living in a freezing cold house with a equally stinky bubble boy husband. Go on live a little, break out of your bubble, spray yourself from head to toe in deodorant, go out for a long bike ride while eating a pork chop, then come home, light the fire, rub cat poo all over yourself and have a long soak in a hot bath.


  1. lol, love it. Your guess is as good as mine as why this crap happens. I am sticking to the bad luck answer

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  2. Hahahaha this cracks me up. There's always the opposite side of the coin, too, which is what the internet tells you that you SHOULD do to get pregnant. Pineapple juice, sweet potatoes, herbs, lube, etc.... It's all such a crapshoot. No one knows anything for sure, and all the pineapple juice and cold showers in the world aren't going to make me ovulate on my own.

  3. Just lost my reply f.f.,..,.,., You are the best!!! I had such a good laught now, still drying of the tears. Thank you so much for making my KAK day better!!

    Had to share with the rest of the office ... exploding balls .... ha ha

  4. Oh you're so funny - love this! If we did everything we were supposed to do, and didn't do everything we weren't, now it wouldn't be living, would it?

  5. My friend sent me an article one time about antibacterial soap, she said that was what was causing my infertility, so I should stop using anti-bac soap. The truth is, people get pregnant each and every day...even the ones who take baths in cat shit.

  6. loving this!!! haha

  7. Everything seems to cause infertility these days- I often find it amazing anyone ever gets pregnant!

  8. funny!!! holy are killing me!!!