Tonight I feel shit. I feel discouraged, I feel like this is all over, i feel mad at everyone and everything and I just want this all to end and find out what the hell is going on.
So you may be asking, what on earth has happened, you were so upbeat. Well I have been having a few cramps tonight, that feel like period cramps, I do know all too well that this could very well be a good thing, I know pregnancy cramping is meant to feel the same as period cramps and I do know if I am pregnant there is so much going on down there that can give me cramps so I know I should calm down but its damn hard when I have to live with my body everyday, I have to feel every stupid twinge and wonder what it is. It sucks.
Below I am going to list some symptoms I am having and what could possibly be causing it.
* Period type cramps, these come and go and have been most strong today, I currently have them right now, not particularly sore but very similar to period cramps, although my period wouldn't be due till blood test day on Tuesday. Possible explanation: Asshole Period or our little baby burying itself in nice and tight and everything getting sorted down stairs for its long stay.
* Extremely dry throat, feels like I need to drink constantly, not really sore, just feels dry in the back of my throat. Possible explanation: I'm getting a cold or I'm pregnant, I have heard this being a strange pregnancy symptom.
* Slight dizziness. Happening now and then, mostly when I stand up from sitting. Possible explanation: I'm going mentally insane or I'm pregnant
* Strange twinges in ovarian area. Possible explanation: who the hell knows? or my baby!
* Snappiness towards gardener guy. Possible explanation: Stress, all this is getting to me or I'm getting my period hence the anger or pregnancy can apparently bring on this behavior.
Who had any of these symptoms and became pregnant, who is going through their two week wait and what are your symptoms?
That is it really, It is just these damn cramps that are getting me down, they just feel a little too familiar but then I am also thinking I'm not due for my period till Tuesday. It's so hard to stay positive when my body is playing tricks on me and stressing me out. I'm starting to worry about going to the toilet and wiping and seeing blood, I don't want to look, I don't want to know. I am still putting the pessaries up there 3 times a day, so obviously I wash my hands after this and if there is blood I will see it, so I cant really avoid that. I'm just fed up now, the two week wait is awful, I thought I was doing well and now that the results are 2 and a half days away I just cant bear it anymore.
I just don't wont to do this anymore, I don't think its fair that I have to put up with all this, why have I become the unlucky one that has to endure all this crap and how the hell can something seem so close one day and so far away the next?