Today we went and had our 8 week scan and our last appointment with the clinic. I must say it was a bit sad to say good bye, sounds strange I know, you would think I would be happy to see the back of them and I am happy we are not going there for more treatment but it was sad as they have been so good to us and I really didn't know how to thank them enough. How do you thank someone for making you a baby? you cant really.
The scan again was perfect, since last weeks emergency scan the baby has grown perfectly and is sitting in the exact right place and is measuring exactly right and again the heartbeat was lovely and strong. i really enjoyed this scan alot more than last weeks for obvious reasons, i knew everything would be ok so it was just nice to lay there are look at our baby. As far as the bleeding is concerned, well it has still been on and off and still is just brown, the nurse was so great about this and really eased my mind. There is absolutely no concern, It is not anything, the likely reason is that one of my small blood vessels has burst, which I know sounds bad but its absolutely not, and very common and normally the reason for a slow release of brown blood. She also said this could last for a few more weeks as it just comes out very slow. Again the nurse mentioned that from how great it all looks there is a 90% chance the baby is sticking around, So we are so delighted and feel really at ease to go ahead and order our cot and change table and other things we wanted to while they are on sale without fear that there will be no baby to use them.
Now to the due date, now for some strange reason when I first got the call from the clinic with the positive news, I was given a due date of 7 March, now I'm pretty damn sure the nurse had said this to me, otherwise I don't know where the hell I got that date from, anyhow I emailed my nurse and she told me that my due date is 21st FEBRUARY! I knew it couldn't be the 7 March as that would make me pregnant for alot longer than normal but I just thought that the clinic had given me this date so it must be right, anyhow now we know our due date and I've had to contact my midwife who said she will be away in February so she cant deliver the baby!! For goodness sake. So here I am at 8 weeks in a panic to get a midwife. I rang her partner midwife and she said because I'm sitting right on the date where one of them comes back from holiday and the other one leaves for holiday and the fact that the baby could come early or late means they are unsure as to who will deliver the baby! so the solution is they are going to have a chat with each other and work it out and get back to me, I was told this will mean that I will basically be looked after between the two of them, which I am fine with and they have been working together for a number of years so they told me they work well as a team. I should hear back today or tomorrow as to what is going on, I really just want to get this all sorted now as I feel like I'm a bit up in the air and I have no one caring for me and my baby. So will keep you updated on that, I really don't need anything else to stress over.
Update on symptoms are as follows: yesterday morning I vomited, was very slight as had nothing in my stomach but was gagging like I was going to vomit up my whole insides. That has been all, I have gotten off very light with the nausea. Today I feel fine, nothing. At nights I tend to feel worse and I put that down to being tired. On Sunday night I had the worlds worst sleep, I woke at 2am and was wide awake, eyes as big as an owls till 5am. I could not get comfortable, could not settle, and was up and down to the toilet every 5 seconds. I have read that this restless feeling can be quite common in the first trimester due to all the changes going on in the body and that you can often be quite anxious without even knowing, after all there is alot to think about, alot to plan and get ready, its like my brain has gone from being kept up at night due to thinking about fertility treatments and what the next week is bringing to thinking about the baby and everything I need to get ready, I guess it will never shut down, the next thing is I will be kept awake at night thinking about weather the baby is alright and still breathing!! as they say you never stop worrying about your child no matter what their age, and I guess our worry has started already!. I have been having quite achy breasts at night mostly and am still tired and still wanting a specific kind of food at a specific time. It went from mince pies, which I'm now over, to apple pies, which I'm now definitely over, yuck! to now being really into chocolate cookies and really really wanting Chinese food, Which I am getting for dinner tonight, very exciting.
After today I am not fearing the future. I used to fear the future, I was fearful of more treatments, I was fearful of pushing myself to the limit more and breaking my heart more, I was fearful of never becoming a mother and up until today I was fearful of our baby dying. I do not have these fears anymore, I have no more fear. I am not fearful of becoming a mother, I am not fearful of caring for a new baby, I know I can do a good job, I am not fearful of giving birth, I know it has to be done and I know I will be strong enough to manage. I have no more fears, all I can see for the future is alot of smiles and that looks very sweet indeed.