You know that moment when you realize something magical is happening? the moment when it really clicks that something so amazing is happening in your life, when something small makes you really really believe that you are about to fulfill every dream you have ever had? have you ever had that moment? it may not be about finally getting a baby, it may be anything in life, it may be that your boyfriend asked you to marry him weeks and weeks ago but only just now you glance down at the newspaper he reads and it's open to a page advertising a wedding show, you then realise that something amazing is happening, it clicks. It may be that bakery business you have been trying to get off the ground for so long and it's only just getting by and then you realise as you are happily covered in flour and listening to your favourite tune on the radio as you create yet another delicious cupcake that you are already there, you are already off the ground, you are flying high in the sky, you are happy in your work and ultimately that is what you wanted, you then realise something amazing is happening, it clicks. It may be that dream house you have been looking for for so long and cant ever seem to find then you finally move in to the house, as you walk up and down the hall every day for weeks on end it is still just a house, a nice house but still just a house, until you go into the shed for the first time and see the last owners paint brushes hanging up unused and you realise right then what this house needs, you start to paint and paint and redecorate and just like that you have made that perfect house into a perfect home, you then realise something amazing is happening, it clicks.What I am getting at is any turning point in life, have you felt that? If you haven't then you are still lucky as you have a really amazing moment to look forward to and if you have felt that then you will know what I mean.
For me it was this weekend. So obviously its been a little while now since we received our good news, almost 3 weeks ago, I will be 7 weeks on Tuesday! and obviously I knew that this is all happening and how cool and exciting it all is, but I guess for me I had that clicking moment in the weekend. Let me explain.
Me and gardener guy went to the baby factory, not to get something for ourselves but I desperately needed a new double buggy for work purposes, the 2 boys I look after are coming up to 2yrs old and they are getting so heavy and the double buggy I have for them is old and is starting to lean to one side and its just getting to hard, so we went to look for a new one, I saw the perfect double one which will be getting delivered in the next few days but while we were there the single buggy I wanted for ourselves was on sale with $100 off its original price so it was a good price so we decided to grab it while it was cheap. So we get home and gardener guy turns into assembly guy (he's so versatile that man)!, and he starts pulling pieces out of the box and putting it together, all fairly simple, I mean it's a buggy not a damn spaceship. Anyhow the buggy was all up, all the extra bits tried out, rain cover, sun cover, discussions over the cool cup holder, discussions over gardener guy doing early morning walks with the baby while I'm lounging around in bed and then we decide ' ok lets fold it down and put it away', sure easy enough aye? after all I have been looking after children for 10 years, I have pretty much come across every buggy know to man and have managed to fold down every one with ease, so there really should be no problem folding down our perfectly easy non spaceship buggy right? well no. Gardener guy starts reading out some strange instructions from the manual that are clearly making no sense, "pull that out, push that over the pin and that's it", well I'm pushing!!! and what pin? nothing seems to be working, this buggy ain't going anywhere, its not budging, its holding its ground, it does not want to be folded away. Gardener guy starts pulling at pieces that so clearly have nothing to do with folding it down, like if I take the cup holder off maybe the whole thing will magically fold down and walk its self into the spare room? ahh no. Anyhow after all this carry on I - the woman, grab the instructions and realize what gardener guy has been shouting out to me are not even the right instructions, pull that out and push that over the pin are not the damn instructions on how to fold it down!!! I flick through the booklet and find the actual right instructions and just like that, a minute later the buggy is folded down!!! Men!!! for goodness sake! It was pretty funny though!
Now back to the moment I was talking about, the moment something clicks. Well after we had established just how easy this buggy was to fold down, my gardener guy decided to show me over and over again how fast he was at putting it up, opening up the hood, putting on the rain cover, and being ready to go! then folding it all back down. This was just the cutest thing, there was this fully grown man (ok, well almost fully grown), getting so excited about this buggy and just wanting to get out and about with it, he was pushing it round the house telling me how he cant wait to get our baby into it and just like that it clicked! As I was standing there watching something that was pretty un-extraordinary happen I realised I am really going to have a little family all of my own. Wow!
You know what, over the last year in particular I mostly had feelings that nothing magical was ever going to happen for me, that my life was just a constant struggle for happiness, that I was pushing people away with my bad attitudes and all my doom and gloom, and perhaps I did push some people away somewhat, perhaps I did lose a few people along the way, and perhaps I will push more people away as I become a more and more strange pregnant woman but I certainly hope not, I hope people can be happy generally, I hope everyone I love gets that magical, it has all clicked into place moment just once in their life. (Jesus Christ, I sound like some kind of over the top spiritual mental person!, what is happening to me).
I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this strange post or what I'm actually trying to say exactly except I guess I just realised that we are really going to be a family and guess what, that felt really nice, oh and not to forget that woman always know how to fix things better than men, be it a buggy or a spaceship, we are always right, if ever there was an important thing to remember it is, woman rule, men suck.