Today we got up early again, firstly because I have to get up at 7am to put in my damn pessaries, rain or shine, week day or weekend I am up at 7am shoving these damn messy things in. But it's all good they are serving a very important purpose. But this wasn't the only reason we were up early, we were up and out of the house early to get into town to get my blood test done before 9am.
I guess I was a little concerned about the results just because it was the first one after the positive and I think its only natural to be a little anxious. All this was laid to rest when my lovely nurse rang and told me my HCG levels have raised from the initial 100 to 696. She explained that this was really good and there was nothing to worry about. I will be having weekly blood tests every Friday to make sure these levels continue to raise. My progesterone levels were also fairly high so guess what? I can start to wein myself off the pessaries! hooray! I can now drop to just 1 pessarie, 3 times a day, and am to do this for the next 3 days then stop. I am pretty pleased with that news, but the best and most exciting news was our first scan date being 12th July, I will be exactly 8 weeks then and we will get to see the heartbeat, how special will that be! I am not sure if I will be able to hold back the tears for that one.
Today we went into the Baby Factory for a nosey, I brought 1 very soft white blanket, that was it, that's self control for ya isn't it. This blanket was so soft and cuddly it felt like it literally just got ripped straight of a lambs back. So the reason I contained myself wasn't really because I have my addiction for all things small and soft under control more because we are going to see my parents tomorrow and me and mum are going to Pumpkin Patch for a wee shop, naughty aye.
A strange feeling I have been having over the last few days and mostly today when my nurse rang is guilt. Let me explain. For so long I have been all doom and gloom and really really struggling, so I did feel like I always deserved lots of help and comfort and love from everyone and felt like i deserved the help and time from the clinic and today when my nurse rang me I kind of felt a bit odd, just like i didn't really deserve her time and attention when there are so many other couples that need her much more. Does that make sense? I kind of felt like "its ok, I'm fine now, I can fend for myself", I know this is a bit silly as it is their job to keep an eye on me and keep looking after me for a little while yet. I also feel more sad than ever now when I am reading other ladies blogs, especially a couple that have had a failure on the same day as our success, that made me feel guilty. I know we deserve this as much as the next person and I am so grateful, I think this is why I am more grateful than say someone who conceived naturally and easily, I have been in that hard spot and know what it is like, and reaching the other side is really unbelievable and makes me feel blessed times 1000.
I still am feeling physically good, the cramps seem to be easing off, I seem to be falling asleep on the couch at night more than normal but that is all. We will hit the 5 week mark on Tuesday, every week is an accomplishment in itself to me, our little baby is growing and doing all sorts of amazing things in there.
Thanks for reading and I will be back in a few days with some amusing tales for you all hopefully, till then take care and enjoy the very creepy/amazing picture I have given you today, of an 8 week fetus (which is when I will have my first scan), courtesy of my best friend google images.