When we have something difficult happening in our life its only natural to turn to our close friends for a bitch and a moan. Sometimes this is all it takes and then we are fine, other time's it is much more harder and takes alot more than that. I think as infertile, we tend to forget that it must be hard for friend's to know what to say or what to do to help, I guess it must be hard for them to watch someone close go through something so terrible.
Upon a conversation today with a close friend of mine, I realised that sometimes friends feel hopeless. My friend discussed with me that she feels like she doesn't know what to say sometimes or what to do to make it better. I really appreciate that she told me this as if I put myself in her shoes, she must feel like she says the same comforting words over and over and doesn't really know what else to say to make it better. I know if I was watching her go through this and I had no first hand experience of it, I too would feel a bit lost. I think it's hard because when I see her and we have a good laugh and I seem all ok, but then when she reads my blog its a different story, all I can say to that is that she should take credit that when I am around her she makes me laugh, and that's her helping me without her even knowing it.
So here's a few points to note if you are a friend and finding it hard to deal with me, or someone else who is struggling with fertility treatments etc.
Know that I really do want to talk about it (some people may be different), but I don't mind talking about it and feel like you care if you ask questions, even if to you they seem like stupid questions, I don't mind. It lets me know you are still on board and care.
Know that if you ask me to go somewhere and I say no, it has nothing to do with you, and It isn't because I don't want to see you, more because I cant deal with the situation or just don't really feel up to it, please accept this but don't stop asking me to do things, because when I feel like it I will.
Know it wont always be like this, know that you will get your old friend back soon, this is just a temporary moment of sadness.
Know that all the text's even just saying "Hi how are you" or anything are really important.
Know that what you are doing right now for me it's probably alot more helpful than you even realise. You cant make a baby for me after all!
Most of all know that I will not forget all the small things you do. Long after all this is over I will not forget how I got to the happy point and who helped me.
That is all I can ask really from my support people,thinking about IVF and infertility and all the sadness and all the grief and all the stress, well it never really goes away, I may seem level headed but I still need you and that is what will make it all a bit less hard. Today I got a letter from the fertility clinic basically saying sorry I didn't conceive on my first IVF and that they still maintain there is a good chance for a success this time, and that my treatment plan is written up and all ready to go. I have really high hopes that this will be one of my last letters of sorrow from them and that this treatment cycle is going to work for us, please continue to believe and carry on with us too.
Don't walk in front of me trying to drag me, don't walk behind me trying to forget me, just walk beside me holding my hand.