Thursday, April 14, 2011

Hold my hand friend.

When we have something difficult happening in our life its only natural to turn to our close friends for a bitch and a moan. Sometimes this is all it takes and then we are fine, other time's it is much more harder and takes alot more than that. I think as infertile, we tend to forget that it must be hard for friend's to know what to say or what to do to help, I guess it must be hard for them to watch someone close go through something so terrible.

Upon a conversation today with a close friend of mine, I realised that sometimes friends feel hopeless. My friend discussed with me that she feels like she doesn't know what to say sometimes or what to do to make it better. I really appreciate that she told me this as if I put myself in her shoes, she must feel like she says the same comforting words over and over and doesn't really know what else to say to make it better. I know if I was watching her go through this and I had no first hand experience of it, I too would feel a bit lost. I think it's hard because when I see her and we have a good laugh and I seem all ok, but then when she reads my blog its a different story, all I can say to that is that she should take credit that when I am around her she makes me laugh, and that's her helping me without her even knowing it.

So here's a few points to note if you are a friend and finding it hard to deal with me, or someone else who is struggling with fertility treatments etc. 

Know that I really do want to talk about it (some people may be different), but I don't mind talking about it and feel like you care if you ask questions, even if to you they seem like stupid questions, I don't mind. It lets me know you are still on board and care. 

Know that if you ask me to go somewhere and I say no, it has nothing to do with you, and It isn't because I don't want to see you, more because I cant deal with the situation or just don't really feel up to it, please accept this but don't stop asking me to do things, because when I feel like it I will.

Know it wont always be like this, know that you will get your old friend back soon, this is just a temporary moment of sadness. 

Know that all the text's even just saying "Hi how are you" or anything are really important. 

Know that what you are doing right now for me it's probably alot more helpful than you even realise. You cant make a baby for me after all!

Most of all know that I will not forget all the small things you do. Long after all this is over I will not forget how I got to the happy point and who helped me. 

That is all I can ask really from my support people,thinking about IVF and infertility and all the sadness and all the grief and all the stress, well it never really goes away, I may seem level headed but I still need you and that is what will make it all a bit less hard. Today I got a letter from the fertility clinic basically saying sorry I didn't conceive on my first IVF and that they still maintain there is a good chance for a success this time, and that my treatment plan is written up and all ready to go. I have really high hopes that this will be one of my last letters of sorrow from them and that this treatment cycle is going to work for us, please continue to believe and carry on with us too.

Don't walk in front of me trying to drag me, don't walk behind me trying to forget me, just walk beside me holding my hand.


  1. Great points! I think that many people don't want to bring it up because they don't know what to say and they feel like it will make me sad - but it makes me sadder when they don't acknowledge that I am going through a tough time at all. Good luck with your upcoming cycle!

  2. I love your last line.... so true. Even one question about how it's going can make such a big difference amongst the silence from everyone else. You sum it up so well xoxo

  3. You're right in that it is hard from a friends point of view (ie mine) to know what to say or how to be sometimes. But I know from previous hurts, disappointments and sorrows that I too prefer people to acknowledge what happened, rather than try and sweep everything under the carpet. I've never experienced infertility but I've experienced other things that hurt. Right now, I'm not hurting, but you are, and I'm here for you all the way sister!!

  4. Thank you for your comments on my blog. It makes me feel so supported and just happy even in the roughest of times knowing that people out there are thinking about me.

    I just changed the url to my blog for various reasons (which I'll post about later)it's now:


  5. Love this post, esp the last paragraph. One of my friends recently told me she felt all she could do for me was to wring her hands as a futile gesture. While I appreciated her honesty, the fact is that I don't expect her or anyone else to DO anything. I just want a hug or a laugh or to be told it's ok to feel like crap. I hope to remember this as I grow in my friendships. I want to be the friend I need.

  6. Thank you so much for this. I feel so bad right now, I have been selfish, whenever somebody tried to say something I pushed them away. You just made me realise how a bitch I have been lately not thinking of the people close to me.

    Thank you so much!

  7. I loved your last line! It's so true that sometimes friends don't know what to say, but I found even my mum and sister were sometimes struggling for words to comfort me but I used to say the same things to them, just listening is sometimes the best medicine for me.

  8. This is such a great post! Love this!

  9. This is a nice post and I totally agree with what you said. Friends are so important in this journey!!

  10. This is such a sweet post...friends are so incredibly important...I see the support and love shown to me by friends and family as the one silver lining in all the sadness and stress of get to see how wonderful people can be. And the people who aren't so supportive, I don't get mad I just figure they're doing the best they can. They just don't know...
    -Kristen from

  11. what a great post! i really needed to read that. i really do think of myself and how i think about all this way too often and it's great to be reminded to put myself in their shoes and try to see it all from their perspective. thank you for posting this!

    also, you've been nominated by my readers at the stork drop zone to receive the humpday hero award for being a positive, inspiring blogger! send me an email at storkdropzone at gmail dot com so we can get it all set up! :)