I don't really know how I am to cope with more failure. This worries me alot. I try to push it to the back of my mind but it sneaks back out of the archive file and into the new releases file in my brain. There will need to be something drastic done if it all goes pear shaped, perhaps I need to be like Julia Roberts and go all Eat,Pray,Love. Eat my way through my whole pantry, pray at my bedside nightly for a baby to drop out of the sky and love my gardener guy till he can take no more, that's probably it for me, no taking up residency in an ashram or gobbling up fettuccine in Italy.
As I have said if this cycle fails and we are left with no frozens we are pretty much done, well until funding kicks in but that will be about 2yrs in total till we got the funding to start again. So tell me what shall we do? Throw a big party? well what the heck are we celebrating? the fact that we are still living in our own home and haven't been thrown into a mental facility. good reason?. Take a holiday?, this would be great, but I'm guessing airlines don't accept left over IVF drugs as payment do they, because money we just wont have, if we had money to take a trip we would be doing another damn cycle. Wallow?, this is my least favourite idea but funnily enough probably the easiest idea, It's rather easy to stay in bed and crawl further and further under the covers till you fall out the end of the bed and cant be bothered gathering yourself back up so you end up sleeping at the foot of the bed for days on end.
I don't really have the answer just yet on how to cope with another failure and this one will be the biggest to date, this one is really going to hurt, not only will it hurt, but the sting will hang around alot longer too. I am still confident that we are going to succeed with this cycle, so for now I will try to push failure back out of my mind.
Failure in life is inevitable unfortunately. In some way or another most of us are likely to fail at something, which I think is fine, it makes us work harder to get the success. As the doctor keeps saying to us, at the moment it is like we are rolling the dice and we keep getting the wrong side, but eventually we are bound to strike the right side,(what the hell, we have some kind of dud dice I tell ya).
If we fail, there is always our good friends Jack (as in Daniels) and Bombay (as in gin), ok so who the hell has a name like Bombay, but I like gin, and gardener guy likes the lethal JD. We can sit down pour a brew and while I hurl abuse at him and anyone within a 10km radius, gardener guy can throw things and get into a fight with a youth who tells us he has a kids. Good idea? no not really, I'll settle for nice civilized 30yr old cup of tea (dash of gin), some biscuits (dash of hash) and some nice fluffy slippers and pjamas.