Today my Gardener guy went and picked up all my drugs, a total of 30 syringes, A new Puregon Pen with 3 cartridges and needles, 2 viles of Bruseline, a new sharps bin, more swabs, a sperm sample jar, and much to my delight more damn pessaries! WOAH!.
Our last cycle of IVF I didn't get all my drugs in one go, as we didn't how much I was going to require, so this time it all seemed a bit more hard out when I looked at all those needles and all those drugs and realised this is all going inside me, I am going to be injected a total of 39 times! my stomach is going to be a right mess after all that, It was bruised last time, so I can only imagine how delightful it will look this time!
I think after the last cycle I feel different about everything, I am going to try and enjoy this cycle more, enjoy every step and not worry so much about it all. I wont need to worry weather we are doing all the injections right, this time we know what we are doing, I want to just go with it, and relax as much as possible and keep with this good frame of mind. It's really hard, as I know when the drugs kick in it makes everything so much more difficult but I will try. I'm not going to let those negative bad thoughts creep into my brain at all!
Acupuncture is still going well, seems to be hurting more every week, apparently this is a good thing as it means my body is more in tune and getting nourished. Every week he puts needles in a few different points, tonight I felt like both feet and ankles were covered in needles, there were so many, and my feet were freezing cold! apart from my feet being cold I really enjoy acupuncture, even if it does hurt a bit, its a time for me just to lie still for 45minutes with my own thoughts on things, or no thoughts at all, sometimes I think about why I am doing all this and a baby and sometimes I just don't think about that at all. I cant get up and go and do something else round the house, its 45minutes of uninterrupted time to focus. Although today I just had to ask my acupuncturist if he was going to watch the royal wedding, we then got into a conversation about the Royal's which is when of course I asked a real dumb question. Is the Queen's husband still alive? well yes he is and he is prince Philip, so of course I then asked another dumb question, why is he not a king then? the acupuncturist looks at me like I'm some kind of knob. I never claimed to be a royalist, I'm more just interested in the wedding dress,the hair do and the bling.
Another new development, a couple of time's in conversations my husband has so ever casually just said that if this fails we will find the money some how to do another round. I didn't know he was thinking this, and today when he went and picked up my drugs and spoke to the nurse, he told her that we will find a way to get more money if need be. What a fantastic husband he is. We hadn't discussed this, I though this was it for us, but then just like that he comes through for me and decides we will keep going. He knows how much I want this and we just really aren't prepared to wait for funding for 2 years, Can you believe it, when your husband tells you we will find another $10,000 somehow just to give me my dream, well you know you have a keeper.
So watch this space for more updates, more tears, more yelling, more throwing things, more sickness, more moaning, more lows and hopefully some highs. With a husband like mine I know I can do this all again, and again and again, with someone like him backing me up there is no limit to what I can do.