Booze is definitely not the answer to my problems, nor to any problems really. Sometimes when things in life aren't great we search for something to alleviate the pain. ways to escape. Booze is probably not the right way to go.
I went out in the weekend and got horrendously drunk. I just wanted one night to escape, one night where my life didn't revolve around babies, injections, keeping track of dates on a calendar, I just wanted one night to be myself and not have any children around and just enjoy adult company. And that's what I got. I had a great night, i had lots of fun, but at the end of the day its not the answer. I felt guilty for losing focus, i just cant entirely enjoy it like I used to before all this fertility madness started because unfortunately there is something alot bigger and more important than going out drinking at the moment and I just need to keep on track. When I woke up the next day, my big problem was still there, only this time it was there with the world's worst hangover and a lost eftpos card!!
When you go out drinking and go to a busy bar you don't really expect to see children right? well now I have seen everything. In a really busy bar, there he was, a little baby boy propped up on the bar, normal as anything, he could have just been a bottle of beer as far as anyone else was concerned, apparently this was normal and no one noticed, except me of course, I was just thinking "for goodness sake, give me one night, one damn night without babies" i could have quite easily picked up a beer bottle and clobbered the little boy over the head! Get out of this bar, and go to bed!
It was a good night and I had fun, but I really don't think I can do it again, or want to for that matter. IVF number 2 starts in April, so I really need to get real and get back to the healthy living. I never got home to 3ish in the morning, then woke up feeling damn awful. I had a sleep and felt better, but then the next night I was in some terrible pain, I had awful stomach pains and was just in a real bad way, I even had to sleep in the spare room as I couldn't stop moving around, I think that perhaps it wasn't a hangover at this point and I think it was the booze mixed with the remaining drugs in my system that caused this, not good.
I tell you what, before I had this big weight on my shoulders, I was a drinker, I could drink till the wee hours, I was a bag of laughs (or so I thought I was when I was drunk). Me and my friends had a great time, getting up to all sorts of madness, doing all sorts of crazy things, going to crazy party's, and always waking up the next morning with a great story to tell and some suspicious memorabilia scattered on the bedroom floor from the night before. It was great. It was easy. There weren't other things to consider, I drank and that was it, I didn't really have a reason to worry about what it was all doing to my body. Now I do. Gone are the easy breezy days. I'm sure it will come back one day, perhaps when I'm having a mid life crisis when I'm 40 or something.
I always tend to go full steam ahead and cant drink in moderation, I just don't know when to jump off that booze train, I just keep on going till I break down. And I broke down. But it's ok, we all need a blow out now and then and to let off some steam, and I did just that, now I have jumped off the booze train and am waiting at the station to get on the baby train, which in the long term will be alot more rewarding than being on that booze train.