When I was little my dad made me a dolls house. It wasn't the penthouse of doll house's by any means. it was made from 2 beer crates. very 80's. he drank a crate of beer and I got my dream, my very own doll's house. It was carpeted and wallpapered and had tenny weeny furniture in it. I loved it. It had the perfect little family inside it. A mum, a dad, 1 boy, 1 girl and a baby in the cot. For me that was the dream, and I guess it really hasn't changed all too much.
Today I went and visited my friend who just had her wee baby boy a week ago. I must say I felt a little nervous and worried that I might have some kind of meltdown, but I was ok. I got there and as usual all was the same, nothing had really changed except there was a extra wee person in the house. My friend was still the same and didn't make a big fuss over it all. And I felt fine. He was a lovely little boy and it's so nice for them.
Seeing their little family was like stepping into a doll house of dreams. Just like the kind I had when I was little. She has her little family, her little dream. It's so nice.It's all so chaotic, In a lovely kind of way. There is so much life between their four walls. And coming home just felt a bit quiet and lifeless to be honest. I actually look forward to seeing her baby again, It reminds me why I'm putting myself through all these horrible things. I'm not saying I want to be surrounded by a herd of babies all the time, but her and her family are different. She is my family.
So I'm all good, no need to fit me for a straight jacket just yet. On other news, the dreaded period is due on Saturday, so it's likely I wont have anything to say till then. And It will come, lets not be naieve here. It will come, but that's ok, then I only have 1 more cycle till our next IVF. Yah.
A doll house your father makes you is something to be treasured, you redecorate and change a few aspects over time to fit in with your dream, but it seems nothing much changes. A dream of a home with 3 children is pretty much still what I want now. Perhaps I would change the retro floral carpet, and maybe living in a house made from beer crates is not ideal, but beggar's cant be chooser's, Spending $26,000 to get a baby is not likely to leave me much change to live in anything but a house made from beer crates. But I wasn't complaining then, And I wont be complaining now.
Having a plastic store brought dolls house is over rated. Having a house built out of love is far better. A good lesson in life really. I bet that little family living in the beer crate house was alot happier than the family living in the plastic house. $20 buys you a good night on the beers and leaves you with something to be made into a little girl's dream. Not too shabby really.