I feel like I'm even coming last in the blogging world. I feel like the worst of a bad bunch, yes probably a bit dramatic but I look over the blogs I follow and quite a few of them have now turned into pregnancy blogs. I always feel like I'm in the worse situation in real life, everyone else can conceive, and quickly, or they have babies and I'm left behind. But now I'm starting to even feel like this in my blogging world. I feel like I'm getting up there with some of the worse case stories. Some people are only on there first ever fertility treatment, and I'm not saying what they are going through isn't hard, but I'm starting to feel like I'm one of the worst cases on here. And that sucks. I am no longer a rookie, more a pro.
So many bloggers have had a positive result, and had a miscarriage, which I know is just terrible, and I feel for them really, but understand how I feel, I haven't even had that joy of getting a positive. Not even once! I just feel pissed off. Is there something else wrong with me that has been missed.
I am now wanting to find some woman very similar to me, so if you read this and are similar please leave a message, or if you are a regular follower and know of another woman's blog who sounds just like mine please also let me know. Firstly I'm not that old, only 29yrs so why is it so hard. Secondly all my endo has been removed so in theory there is nothing wrong with me. My husband's sperm is above average on all aspects. I am doing everything known to man to help my body, we have been trying for 2yrs & 1mth. We have done 3 cycles of IUI's, with clomid. We have done 1 IVF, resulting in an obvious negative and no frozen embryos! So what the hell is happening!!!!
I've had a funny few days, where do I begin. I wont go on too much, but I've had a few annoying comments and opinions hurled at me over the last few days. Comments and opinions that have put me into a negative state again, so I'm really mad at that. I didn't ask for it, and now I'm left feeling shit. I hope this weeks acupuncture sorts out those feeling's and calms me again.But as I always believe, where there is bad, there is good, I ran into someone yesterday who was just spot on. Her reaction's to our recent fail were just right. She didn't patronise me by telling me 'its ok it will happen soon', infact she actually barely said anything, but that was what was so golden about it, she listened and told me she was thinking of me. She really listened to me properly, as we both sat on the floor of the public library with kids everywhere, after having attended a kids music session. I don't need to hear facts and figures and people's bullshit, I just need a listening ear and someone who is positive and has faith.
My chance for pregnancy this month has been and gone now, I ovulated, I had sex, I flung my legs in the air, I pretended I was riding a bicycle in mid air, I visualised our baby (a new technique I've fostered, may as well give it a whirl), so now I'm either pregnant, (well getting there, we all know it takes alot, sperm in egg, cells dividing, blastocyst and implantation) or I'm just not. Simple as that.
So yes, nothing too funny to be said at the moment, let me just say where there is a bunch of banana's I'm the rotten one, a bunch of grapes and I'm the soft one, a bunch of idiots, and I'm the fucken leader. I am the worse stem in a bunch of dying roses. Please help me come back to life.