Blah blah blah, that's all your probably hearing, here goes the moaning bitch again. More moaning ahead, more complaining ahead. As a man would say " I can see her mouth moving, but I don't hear what's coming out", which is probably a clever way to be, just block me out.
But you know what, I guess if I had nothing to complain and moan about then why would I need to be writing a blog about infertility. Let's face it no one ever wants to hear about other people's happiness. We don't care that Anne is living in a lovely home with a white picket fence and has a handsome successful husband, has 3 children, a dog named Ralph, a cat named Martha and has sex 3.5 times a week. (not sure what the .5 means, it just sounds better). No one wants to read a blog she writes. Fuck off Anne, we would much rather read a blog about say Joan, who lives in a mouldy old flat with her impotent husband, has no children due to the impotent problem, has no money and is having an affair with the guy in the opposite flat in hope he will be more successful in the bedroom department. Yes Joan's blog would get much more followers. Unfortunately we just seem to prefer hearing about other people's problems, although no one wants to admit it but it makes us feel better about ourselves, but more importantly it makes us feel that we are not alone, we are not the only one's failing, at whatever the problem may be. So I guess the continued complaining from me will still bring in the followers. I'm Joan, minus the impotent husband and affair, and oh the mouldy flat, ok so I'm not Joan, but I have problems and I will continue to complain. Sorry but here I go again.
Today I just felt a bit miserable. Me and Gardener guy had many discussions today about how we were just a bit bored, we wanted a little someone to run around after. Me chasing Gardener guy round the house just isn't the same!. I'm counting down the days till our doctors appt on 1st April, perhaps we can get some answers, well likely not, it will be the same thing said, it was just bad luck. Blah blah blah, never the less it will be good to get our new treatment plan wrote up and get closer to IVF 2. Tonight I decided to have some wine with dinner, I just felt miserable and needed it. I always stop alcohol well before IVF as it makes me feel like I'm helping out in some way, I know there is no hard and fast rules about how far in advance you should stop hitting the bottle, but quite a bit in advance before all my treatments I stopped completely. Tonight I just thought to hell with it, I need a drink, now I'm not about to go running down to the bottle store and tip a bottle of rum down my throat but a nice wine is good! IVF should be back up and running in about 3 weeks so one drink now is ok for me, besides what good has being sober done for me previously. Nothing!.
I know I sound like a moaning Minnie and I may not be the most fun friend in the world at the moment to those of you reading, but that's how it is at the moment, I'm no Anne, I don't have everything going as planned, who wants a friend like Anne anyhow, a perfect friend with a perfect life, no thanks, I think It makes friendship and relationships more real if you have battles to fight, problems to conquer together.
My blog will continue to be full of moaning and groaning and madness, but at least you know everything you are reading is real and brutally honest and I can guarantee you I will never lie and what you see (or what you read) is what you get, hold on for the ride, strap yourself in, ride along side me, scream if you must, because I can honestly say this wont be the last time you will be thinking "here she goes again"!