Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Nothing to say

So the woman who always has something to say has come to a brick wall. The woman being me, and the brick wall being Infertility. I have nothing to say about Infertility. There just isn't much going on at the moment. Yes we are still going well on the healthy eating, boring....... we are still trying to conceive the old fashioned way which is slightly more fun than healthy eating, we are eating so many oats and bran and all that healthy garbage that we are shitting from here to Africa. I'm still popping the Chinese herbal pills everyday and acupuncture again tomorrow but that's all really. No interesting stories about eggs, sperm, needles, operations, vaginal pessaries. Sorry but there's just nothing. 

Despite my previous posts about staying positive, looking forward to the future and getting on with it all and not falling into a hole again, well despite all this it doesn't mean I don't still feel a bit down. the last few days I just feel a bit shitty. Me and gardener guy just feel a bit pissed off and low. Maybe it is because there isn't much going on at the moment, I don't know, I'm not happy. Although I say I'm not going to let all this beat me, it doesn't change the fact that I'm just not happy. It doesn't really go away, you watch tv, there are pregnant people and babies, you  go out there are pregnant people, (I should say pregnant woman, I would be surprised if I saw a pregnant man, although knowing my luck there are probably a few men out there that have better chance of conceiving than me) and like I have also said in a previous post sometimes it's just easier to stay behind closed doors. But I'm not going to go on about that, enough said. 

I'm sure in the next few days something interesting will come up for me to blog about, but for now I apologise for having nothing to say. I'm sure there will be a meltdown, some kind of cheeky story about baby making,an inappropriate tale with far too much intimate information. It will all come again, so don't you fear. 

One last thing I was thinking about earlier today was all the friends and family that read my blog. And know all my intimate details, and all my innermost thoughts, what must they all think of me now! I wonder. Next time I see a cousin or a friend I haven't seen in a while, will they be thinking, ' I know you have pushed your fat ass into a baby bath to soothe your flaming fanny, I know how you feel when you see babies, I know you feel mad when another woman get's pregnant again before you, I know your irrational thoughts, your sad moods, your crazy moods, I know when your husband is jacking off into a cup, I know that smile your giving me may not be real, I basically know all your gory unedited details. Because I have such great people in my life i hope it's more likely that when they see me they are thinking, I know how you feel and I respect that. I don't mind that your mad, I don't mind that your sad and who cares about all the other creepy stuff because we love you anyhow. 

You know the saying, If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Well in my case If I don't have anything interesting to say,  I should just shut the hell up. So that's what I will do. For now anyhow.


  1. I hit walls too and get bored from blogging. I tend to post my most boring blogs when I am trying to shuffle a sooky-la-la post I'd rather forget down the list. Trying naturally, which is all I know, can be boring, as you can only post about quality of ewcm, your efforts in the sack and the 2WW, then spew about your red carpet being rolled out. But every cycle there is always a chance, so we have to keep at it.

    I'm sure the people that know you I'm the flesh appreciate your honesty and letting them in the secret door to your world of infertility and fight to be a mum.

    I love your blog and will see a happy ending to this story..xo

  2. Being inbetween treatments does make for an pretty un-interesting blog....I've been running into the same problem lately. In January, there were a million things to report on each day, now....I got nothin! It's still nice to hear from you though, so I don't mind random posts with not a whole lot going on!

  3. I love your posts, whether there's anything going on or not. You're such a great person, and a talented writer! Even your "nothingness" is full of emotion... and yep - I love you for it!

  4. Love your blog too... you certainly do bring all sorts of different moments to life in your writing :)) Love reading all your posts xoxo

  5. "we are eating so many oats and bran and all that healthy garbage that we are shitting from here to Africa." I had to stop there..give me a moment to read the rest..I just can't stop laughing at this point!!!!!

  6. you know, you can blog to us about other things..not just infertility. This is your freedom from the pain of infertility. I would love to hear about movies, and fun things you are doing. Well, that's just me. I think you are so brave for sharing this with your family. I haven't shared any of this with my family(as for my blog)

  7. I think If my family and friends dont like what they are reading, they know where to go. I've been open about it from the start, If they find any of it too inapprpriate then that's their problem not mine. But I have got lots of great feedback from them about my honesty and how they like keeping up to date with whats is going on and how I feel, perhaps it make's it easier for them to talk to me about it, having read this and knowing how I feel. Do you want to tell your family marilyn? what has stopped you?