So the woman who always has something to say has come to a brick wall. The woman being me, and the brick wall being Infertility. I have nothing to say about Infertility. There just isn't much going on at the moment. Yes we are still going well on the healthy eating, boring....... we are still trying to conceive the old fashioned way which is slightly more fun than healthy eating, we are eating so many oats and bran and all that healthy garbage that we are shitting from here to Africa. I'm still popping the Chinese herbal pills everyday and acupuncture again tomorrow but that's all really. No interesting stories about eggs, sperm, needles, operations, vaginal pessaries. Sorry but there's just nothing.
Despite my previous posts about staying positive, looking forward to the future and getting on with it all and not falling into a hole again, well despite all this it doesn't mean I don't still feel a bit down. the last few days I just feel a bit shitty. Me and gardener guy just feel a bit pissed off and low. Maybe it is because there isn't much going on at the moment, I don't know, I'm not happy. Although I say I'm not going to let all this beat me, it doesn't change the fact that I'm just not happy. It doesn't really go away, you watch tv, there are pregnant people and babies, you go out there are pregnant people, (I should say pregnant woman, I would be surprised if I saw a pregnant man, although knowing my luck there are probably a few men out there that have better chance of conceiving than me) and like I have also said in a previous post sometimes it's just easier to stay behind closed doors. But I'm not going to go on about that, enough said.
I'm sure in the next few days something interesting will come up for me to blog about, but for now I apologise for having nothing to say. I'm sure there will be a meltdown, some kind of cheeky story about baby making,an inappropriate tale with far too much intimate information. It will all come again, so don't you fear.
One last thing I was thinking about earlier today was all the friends and family that read my blog. And know all my intimate details, and all my innermost thoughts, what must they all think of me now! I wonder. Next time I see a cousin or a friend I haven't seen in a while, will they be thinking, ' I know you have pushed your fat ass into a baby bath to soothe your flaming fanny, I know how you feel when you see babies, I know you feel mad when another woman get's pregnant again before you, I know your irrational thoughts, your sad moods, your crazy moods, I know when your husband is jacking off into a cup, I know that smile your giving me may not be real, I basically know all your gory unedited details. Because I have such great people in my life i hope it's more likely that when they see me they are thinking, I know how you feel and I respect that. I don't mind that your mad, I don't mind that your sad and who cares about all the other creepy stuff because we love you anyhow.
You know the saying, If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Well in my case If I don't have anything interesting to say, I should just shut the hell up. So that's what I will do. For now anyhow.