Monday, December 13, 2010

My Madness laid on the table

At the moment I am on CD14 (cycleday) so still 12 days away from my blood test to determine if this bloody iui has worked. At this point im feeling normal.....for me this really starts to go down hill the closer I get to the blood test day, then the crazier i become.

From the last 2 iui's my madness is something that really cant be controlled. I start to obsess over every small feeling i get, ohhh...... I felt a wee twinge, that must be implantation cramps. ohh....... My boobs seem bigger, I must be pregnant. ohhhh......Im starving, that's it im pregnant, well actually no, im just a Hungry pig. Also i start to become an obsessive googler, looking for symptoms, other people's stories etc. This really isn't a healthy way to live, but then i cant really control it.I wish i could just relax and chill the hell out, but if you are a woman struggling to get pregnant I guess behaving this way is normal.

going back a week or so ago, I was having a really hard few days, Im not sure what brought it on, or why, but I got myself into a really dark place, i just felt terrible, so low and waking up and not being able to see anything past this awful mood.I dont know how I pulled myself out of it or even when I did, but somehow im feeling better, more positive and feeling quite proud of myself for managing to cope with such a soul destroying, exhausting thing. But in saying that I often feel like im being very dramatic and over the top and being such an idiot by constantly bugging my family and friends and going on and on and on........ So as you can see im pretty much all over the place!

Im glad to have finished my 3months worth of clomiphene and the ovidrel trigger injections (horrid)! So now i can look forward to being drug free over the xmas break and either pregnant and overjoyed or not pregnant and able to enjoy a glass of wine or 10.If it is the latter im going to be honest and say I will need lots of help and support during IVF. but hey lets cross that bridge when we get to it.


  1. I think you are amazing! And If this IUI doesn't work I will be there pouring you the glass of wine!!

  2. thanks.....Im so excited to get a comment.hehe

  3. Hey sweetie - all those emotions you have in your head, going through the psycho drama of this trying to get pregnant thing - it's so normal, I promise you this. Thanks for stopping by my blog. And welcome to the land of blogging - it truly has helped me so much in my journey. Continue to reach out to others, it will help you meet new bloggy friends!

    Good luck in this wait - I'm right there with you...

  4. thanks alex. I look forward to chatting and reading more of your blog.