Friday, December 24, 2010

NEGATIVE....Story of my life

The clinic just rang and unfortunately it was negative. The nurse told me that she was really sorry to say this to me again and her words were "We are really going to need to crank things up, and do IVF". Since these 3 IUI's havent worked it's unlikely that it will work naturally, so IVF it will be. We have an appointment on Jan 17th with our doctor and we are hoping that we can qualify for funding, otherwise paying it will be! either way IVF will be happening early new year.I never would have imagined I would ever get to this point, IVF has always been seen as something people with huge problems do, is that really me? Obviously it is.

At the moment I'm feeling very upset. Towards the end of my phone conversation with the nurse I started to lose it, shed a few tears, poor nurse, didn't want to make her feel bad, so managed to only just hold it together. I  Text a few people that were waiting to hear, and rang my husband. I hate telling people, its very unpleasant. My husband was pissed off, concerned I was ok, what more can I say, the poor man will now have to endure IVF with me. I'm also so mad at myself for letting myself think otherwise, letting myself get stupid hope in my head, thinking I might be pregnant, what a joke, pregnancy is never going to happen for me, I'm just going to have to watch from the sidelines at other people's happiness.That's how I feel at the moment.


I'm sorry there wasn't happier news to report, All i ever do these days is tell people sad news, cry and have this constant cloud over my head, when will this end? when will this bad feeling leave me? I do know ill be more upbeat and full of hope when the IVF starts, after all the success rates are so much higher. I hope during the IVF I can continue to chat with some of you ladies that are also going to start IVF. We need to beat it, One of us at a time, till we are all fat and pregnant!


Till then all I can do is look after my husband and let him look after me.One day we will hold our baby, We just have to, till that day ill never give up, no matter how many of these low days like today I have. Ill never give up.


ps: this will be my last post till 1st Jan,as we are going away this afternoon.

13 comments:

  1. oh no.....:( I am crying too now! :( There are no words to change the situation to make it better. I hope you and your husband treat each other kind and pamper each other the next few days. eat your favorite foods, watch your favorite movies...hug each other. And if the tears come..then they come. This is really very unfair you have to go through this. A fellow Ivfer said.."Delayed..but not Denied" I have always liked hearing that. It is a mantra...really..:) When you get back..we will get through IVF together. Again..I am so sorry....

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  2. thanks marilyn. appreciate that message so much.

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  3. So sorry to read this news, I was hoping this would be it for you! We are also on the brink of IVF, but will have to use donor eggs as I am apparently about out and don't have enough to do a round of IVF. Hope you have a good Christmas despite the negative results. Enjoy your husband and spoil yourself...you deserve it after all! Again, sorry to hear the news. Thinking of you!

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  4. I am so sorry. I think we all know the turmoil hope can bring. It always amazes me that IUIs work w/ such low sucess rates, but You are right, IVF has much better rates, and it's not as bad as you think, at least it wasn't for me. I remember feeling very conflicted about IVF, both scared and hopeful as well as a bit of shock that I had gotten to that point. And now I cannot wait for round two to start. We will be with you every step if the way. Think positive and enjoy the holidays!
    (((hugs))

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  5. I'm so sorry. Drink a lot and buy yourself something nice!

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  6. Oh I'm very sorry to hear this news. Enjoy your time away - and be good to yourself!

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  7. Sorry to hear this Clewis. I know how you feel, I never thought in a million years we'd be doing IVF...always felt like something others did. After 4 failed IUI's (the last one almost a year ago) we are now ready for IVF. I'll be following your blog and sending you lots of baby dust in 2011!!

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  8. Mate, sorry... What a downer. Each stage of accepting we need assistance is rough. Take care..

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  9. Sorry to hear about your negative. What a total bummer, but I'm glad to hear that you have a plan in place for the next step. You may have lost the battle this time, but not the war! I know it's hard, but you seem to have a fighting spirit, so keep going girl, you'll get there! Have a great holiday and take care!

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  10. hey there, i was blog hopping and i came across your blog.
    you and your husband make a beautiful couple, i hope you're blessed with a baby soon.
    take care and stay strong! ♥

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  11. I'm so sorry. I recently started following your blog because your story is much like my own. We did 3 IUI cycles all BFN. I was devastated. Never in a million years did I think IUI wouldn't work for us. I'll be starting my 2nd IVF cycle tomorrow. I hope my experience can be helpful and insightful as you continue your journey. Best of Luck!!

    Annessa
    http://ivfsistah.blogspot.com/

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  12. I'm so sorry! The only comfort I can offer is that you are not alone. I can completely relate to how you feel. It can be quite a mental transition to go from IUI to IVF. I definitely went through similar thoughts as those you're describing. The good news is that you'll have lots of time to adjust - to mourn that you did not get pregnant with IUI and then come to terms with IVF as the IVF cycle is longer than an IUI cycle. Sounds like you have a good plan -- taking care of each other during this time.

    I have my doc appointment beginning of next month and hope we can start out IVF cycle in Jan, Feb at the latest. So maybe we'll go through our first IVF together!

    **hugs**

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  13. really appreciate all the lovely feedback

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