Monday, January 10, 2011

A is for Angry, B is for Bitchy, C is Crying, E is for Eager. Need I go on?

Angry..... Yes I am. I'm feeling very angry today. Ive been reading a book called "the stork club". It's really good and amusing about one woman's hellish road through IVF. I became angry reading this, angry that I'm going to have to take drugs to shove me into what is basically menopause, then drugs to shoot me right back up and produce mega amounts of eggs, I'm angry that I have to inject myself and angry that i may have to shove progesterone pessaries inside me, angry that I'm going to have to have more time off work to recover, angry that I'm going to be living a life basically of a monk,  I'm angry that I have to do this and other people don't have too.

Bitchy, Yes I am. Bitchy to my husband, and bitchy about stupid day to day things.bitchy about watching other people's happiness on tv. I'm so bitchy I need to stop here, before I say something far to bitchy.

Crying, Yes I do. I haven't cried actually since the 24th December, so am doing pretty well, I'm inclined to think I'm all dried up. Ive used all the tears one person get's given in a life time.

and Eager, Yes I am. I've always been eager to start thing's and get a move on, no matter how scary and horrible. I'm over eager, I go into doctors appt's like some kind of desperate spotty teenager trying get a date, I'm pushy, I'm so eager it is desperate. If the laboratory was open, il'd probably sneek in there and try to perform the surgery myself.

 I'm not even on any drugs at the moment and I'm still weird, I hate to think what things I'm going to write when I get back on drugs. watch out it will be scary.

On a lighter note, a passage in the book that i really liked and thought was quite funny is as follows: " I cant believe our bad luck. We are a quite unremarkable couple, trying to do a rather normal thing - why are we so goddam special when it comes to babies? What are we trying to breed here, some bloody rare bird?

I really like that, You would think I was trying to produce something difficult and rare, it's a baby for god sake, nothing rare, you could say they are as common as muck. It's not rocket science..... Hold on, for me and many ladies it is!

I just really wish, A could be for Amazing, B could be for Bright, C could be for Carefree and E could be for Elle Macpherson.....Hmmm, the first 3 will come back to me, but sadly the 4th one is really not going to be me. 


  1. I have read that book too and really liked it...but hugs to you hun as I know those emotions you're feeling very well!(this is before the drugs too!)
    Some days I was just beside myself with rage that we had drawn the short straw and had to go through this, and it's hard to get your head around the actual nitty gritty of IVF, and when you do you feel even madder that you can't just do it the so called 'normal' way like everyone else.
    Funnily enough the emotional rages stopped as soon as we started our cycle.
    And I think our babies will be extra special and rare with all that we have gone though to get them!
    Thinking of you, and I hope that tomorrow is a better day for ya xxx

  2. thanks ants. think you might be right. this anger may calm down when we start the cycle. very valid point. Its a really funny book, she's a good writer

  3. Anger entices action, so it's not a bad thing! If you weren't angry that is when it's time to call the men in white jackets to take you away.

    F is for what we yell when angry, and what dumb arse 16yr olds do once and fall pregnant!

  4. i hope your alphabets change to Amazing, Bright, Carefree and Elle really soon! ♥

  5. the roller coaster has started. I hope you can go easy on yourself. What you are going through is not easy and if you are bitchy today, so be it (don't tell your husband I said that :)). Hang in there.
    I never read that book, perhaps I should go pick it up???

  6. Oh yes, I have felt those same thoughts... I think it's important to go through all these thoughts though - IVF is a seriously emotional rollercoaster, and you have to just hang on and ride it...

  7. You said it perfectly!!
    I have and am going through the same is BS that we have to go through this. I am frightened of needles but when I found out I had to go through IVF I youtubed videos of injections..and watched women go though pain. Everyone thought I was crazy for watching and reading lots of info on IVF, but we have to prepare ourselves. We need to find out what it is that we are going to go through. And going through that process is scary. It really is a lot that we are going to go through. But I felt bad taking it out on my husband. It is hard not to right? The men just provide the sperm, but us girls...well we have to get shots, and hormones...and then of course later the labor. I have read a lot of sad stories, but I think it is crucial to read success stories too. It is important to balance it out. I want to check out this book you are reading sounds interesting. How is your husband holding up? I think it is pretty stressful for the men too.. I hope you have a happy day!

  8. Well, I am glad someone else out there is feeling like I am! I am feeling very bitchy too! I think it is a combo of PMS, Lupron and the damn snow (making me cranky trying to get to work.)It sounds like we'll probably be feeling every emotion possible through this process.....each one is probaby very important to feel. Hang in there!

  9. We have all been where you are! I know it is hard to do, but just try to stay as positive as possible. Once you have your miracle baby in your arms, it will all be worth it. It took us 6 cycles, four fresh and two frozen and I would do it all again for my little boy. Good luck to everyone!