Saturday, January 22, 2011

Not Pregnant

I'm not pregnant, well obviously..... Your probably thinking why is she stating the obvious? She's about to start a cycle of IVF any day, of course she's not pregnant. I knew that, yet for some god forsaken reason I did a pregnancy test.

Let me tell you how this played out. My Gardener Guy said I should do one, he was saying how funny it would be if I was, so I did. Negative. I knew it wasn't going to be positive and I know he knew that too, and I'm not even upset about it, it just makes me pissed off. Why couldn't something amazing like that have happened, right now when we need it more than ever. I also feel like a bit of a failure after this, I just cant seem to make it happen. But after doing this it also made me even more determined about this IVF and made me feel more strong going into it, I'm going to give it everything Ive got. I'm going to throw my whole self into it and try so hard to keep up the positive thoughts like Ive been told too, I will make the next month all about looking after myself and my body, and of course my husband, and that's it. Nothing else matters.

I wasn't even sure if I was going to blog about this, as I felt it was pointless information, basically just more of my stupid bullshit, but then I thought, no ill write about it. its not pointless to me. Its part of it all. I said I wasn't going to blog again till my day 1, yet here I am. Not yet day 1.

So I'm not pregnant, but what I am is tough, and I'm not going to let myself be knocked down by all these insane emotions, yes it was only the dreaded 1 line on the test, but I can feel it......I can feel that soon it's going to be 2 lines. I'd rather be tough and than a pregnant sissy right?


  1. :-(

    I was hoping for a miracle BFP at the end of November (right before we started our IVF cycle.) You hear these "miracles" all the time....why not me?!

    I'll be following you through your journey!

  2. Wish you were one of those stories too.. I think we all pray for a small miracle each month, even though we are still realistic. Oh well, thats the last one you will do that will look like that... now how does that feel!!

    Our kids will have very tough mummies!!

  3. Yeah.. have heard from some of my friends about these miracle BFP's! Yeah..darn it!!! well. sound so positive and although you are disappointed in this little strange pee sound very determined and you are really inspiring me!! really! did you get your period. Ahhh. the suspense is killing me here..okay.I will wait patiently! :) Have a great weekend...soon you will be starting everything...yayayay

  4. Sorry for this latest BFN, even if it was unlikely. I wanted to wish you the best of luck with this upcoming ivf cycle!!! Sending lots of good thoughts your way.

  5. Sorry for the BFN. It's great that you will be starting your first IVF cycle. Sending tons of positive vibes your way! Good luck. You'll get those 2 lines

  6. We all hope for those miracle BFP's before IVF. But alas, for most of us, it just doesn't happen. And yes, I'd rather be tough than a pregnant sissy too!

  7. Can completely relate to the feeling of yet another disappointment. I feel that way with every AF visit. Even though we're not TTC right now (bc of our genetic mutations, only going to TTC with IVF+PGD from now on) every time AF comes it's still a slap in the face, a reminder that we're still not preg. Glad to read that you'll be starting IVF soon. Here's to hoping you get a BFP the next time you take a test!