I'm not pregnant, well obviously..... Your probably thinking why is she stating the obvious? She's about to start a cycle of IVF any day, of course she's not pregnant. I knew that, yet for some god forsaken reason I did a pregnancy test.
Let me tell you how this played out. My Gardener Guy said I should do one, he was saying how funny it would be if I was, so I did. Negative. I knew it wasn't going to be positive and I know he knew that too, and I'm not even upset about it, it just makes me pissed off. Why couldn't something amazing like that have happened, right now when we need it more than ever. I also feel like a bit of a failure after this, I just cant seem to make it happen. But after doing this it also made me even more determined about this IVF and made me feel more strong going into it, I'm going to give it everything Ive got. I'm going to throw my whole self into it and try so hard to keep up the positive thoughts like Ive been told too, I will make the next month all about looking after myself and my body, and of course my husband, and that's it. Nothing else matters.
I wasn't even sure if I was going to blog about this, as I felt it was pointless information, basically just more of my stupid bullshit, but then I thought, no ill write about it. its not pointless to me. Its part of it all. I said I wasn't going to blog again till my day 1, yet here I am. Not yet day 1.
So I'm not pregnant, but what I am is tough, and I'm not going to let myself be knocked down by all these insane emotions, yes it was only the dreaded 1 line on the test, but I can feel it......I can feel that soon it's going to be 2 lines. I'd rather be tough and than a pregnant sissy right?