I feel like I'm in a running race and I'm trying so hard to win, I'm running like the wind, I'm pushing my body to the limits, I'm jumping over all the hurdles, yet some how I'm coming last, I see everyone else run by at a relaxed pace, barely trying, they glide past me with ease, and cross the finishing line and I don't.
I wasn't going to post today, as really didn't have anything to say. I had a nice day, Got a nice phone call from a family member offering me some really great support and just letting me know she's around whenever I need her. that left me feeling so good, But then in an instance I go from feeling good to feeling a bit low again. Another friend just told me she was pregnant. Of course as always its really lovely for her, and of course she was really sweet and kind about telling me, and I was expecting someone to beat me to it, I knew I would get that news again, but you always get thrown for a six. As far as I'm aware she wasn't trying for a baby, or if she was it couldn't have been for long, which once again reminds me of how terrible my situation has become. As I have said before, I don't expect people to not have a baby to spare my feelings and I would never be horrible or unkind to her about it,I just wish I could be feeling so happy when I get such amazing news from friends, its such an amazing thing, but it's just so sucky!
Why am I so unlucky and everyone else I know seems to be lucky. I really don't deserve this, I have never wanted anything more in all my life, I have never tried this hard at something, pretty much it's the only difficult thing in my life I haven't given up on. How many more time's am I going to have to hear this, why is this all just so hard, how did my life get like this?
When will I ever cross the finishing line, because I'm getting very worn out. Slow and steady wins the race as the fable goes, this was true for the tortoise, he was slow and steady and he finally won the race. And hopefully so will I.