Monday, February 21, 2011

Shove some more needles in me.

Acupuncture is the new plan. Today I made an appointment at a natural health clinic. So the plan is to do acupuncture once a week, every Thursday night. Our first appointment is this Thursday, and he will also discuss with us about Chinese herbs that will help us too. So we are both very much looking forward to this appointment. I was pleased as it's a good price too, the acupuncture is only $65 per week, and really what else are we spending the money on, nothing. 

I feel a little freaked out about acupuncture, its weird isn't it, but I've heard so much amazing feedback about it that its worth a bloody try. I am a wee bit concerned about needles in my face, apart from that I think Ill be fine. Ill take every Thursday night as a time to relax and get in a real good place, both body and mind. Am I morphing into a free loving zen hippy......... not quite, I refuse to go to my appointment's in those weird loose white one size fits all hippy pants, although with the extra weigh gain from all the drugs, this may end up being my only clothing option.

I also expressed my concern about my state of mind, and told the practitioner I wanted to shift the way I think to a much more positive frame of mind, he told me he can definitely help us both out with this too, so that will be just great. Ill walk out of the clinic feeling so relaxed and at peace ill practically be horizontal, carry me out, I'm too chilled to walk. 

As for my frame of mind at the moment, well I'm still a bit fragile. This morning when we woke up it dawned on me that it was shitty Monday, I had to work, and I was not pregnant. Smear some shit on toast and slap it in my face! that is what it's like. My gardener guy asked me if I wanted him to stay home with me, without a second though I said "yes, I don't want to be without you". So I got up and got sorted for the boys arrival, when one of the mum's arrived to drop off her little boy, there was a wee situation, a situation i never expected. She asked me how I was feeling then she gave me a hug, and I lost it, I started crying and it took every ounce of strength to get it together, because obviously I didn't want to seem too unprofessional, this is my job, caring for her son. I have no idea where this came from, and I wouldn't have though in a million years that I would just crack like that, yes in front of friends, but not her.... I guess I thought I was a bit more together then I actually am. In between all of this, my gardener guy came racing out into the lounge to see what all the commotion was and quickly helped the situation by talking to them. thank god, I kind of got my shit together. Of course they were lovely about it, but jesus I guess I'm actually not ok at all. 

So there you have it, 2 days after a failed IVF and I'm not even near being stable. 4 failed fertility treatments, 2 years of trying to conceive, and what do I have to show for it, a damn big debt, an extra layer of fat, a broken heart, the worlds most viewed vagina ( and I'm not even getting paid for it), and enough tears to sink Noah's ark.

But on the up side, I've inherited some great blogging friends, more support that I could ever have imagined I would get, a new appreciation for my husband and the most coolest of all, a killer pair of boobs!  Not even a failed IVF will deflate my determination nor the boobs.


  1. You've got a great sense of humour... I love reading your blogs - despite all the heart-ache, your humour still shines through :)) Acupuncture is meant to be great for fertility... lots of women I know swear by it. I'm planning to start again if this cycle doesn't work out. Thinking of you xoxo

  2. oh my gosh!!! Again...your husband is something special!! are a funny one. I guess humor is a great way to survive some pretty hard times!!! Sometimes it is just a look from a concerning friend or family member, and sometimes from a friendly voice or smile. Take sometime for yourself...:)

  3. I have started back on acu too. Let's hope there are benefits for both of us. Isn't it funny, we pay alot of dollars for one person to stick 100 needles in us, when for most of the population it takes just 1 prick to fall pregnant!!!

    I just cracked myself up!

  4. Just quickly - ive had acupuncture for a million and one things and found it to be wonderful. Yes Ive had them in my face/forehead/ears/toes everywhere. The last one I had done was actually very relaxing. Sometimes, for back pain, its worked instantly. I highly recommend it. Heres hoping!!

  5. To red power ranger - very funny but true. one prick.

    Debs, Im sure ill get used to it and end up enjoying it, amazing that it's so effective for your back. thats so great.

  6. First of all, I think you are doing great for 2 days after and are being way too hard on yourself. Second, I tried acupuncture for a while too and, even though it is not really my style, I LOVED it!! I found it super relaxing and started to really look forward to my appts. I am actually going to contact my lovely sweet acupuncturist and set up an appt for myself very soon.
    Hang in there....

  7. Give yourself some time to grieve - it's ok to be upset about this! And I'm really looking forward to hearing how your acupuncture goes. I didn't stick with it, but I really liked it while I went!

  8. 2 days isn't very sounds like you are doing great, considering. I love that you're looking at the upside of things, not just the downside.
    Re: your boobs, are they bigger from the IVF? Mine went up 2 cup sizes over IVF cycles 2 and 3 and stayed big...I've never heard of this happening to anyone else...
    -Kristen from

  9. I love acupuncture! Even thought i haven't gotten a BFP yet, it definitely helps me be more calm and relaxed while I am cycling.

  10. I am a big believer in the whole relaxation thing. I don't know if this cycle is a bust or a spectacular success but the acupuncture combined with my meditation has kept me relatively sane (altho today I am going nuts). It is totally normal to feel what you are feeling. If I am honest it took about 3 months for me to fully recover from IVF round one. I just assumed since we had unexplained I would get preggers straight away. You are doing ok. Take the time off and heal. Thinking of you!!

  11. I apologize for my slacking. I've been sick all weekend and just finally getting back to a computer today. I did check your blog on my phone but it didn't want to let me comment. My heart has sank for you this weekend, and cried for you and with you I know. I'm so glad, however to see that you are already into a plan of action to make the next cycle in April go better. Accupuncture scares me, maybe once reading your experiences I will get the guts to try it. I'm not afraid of needles, but I'm just afraid of them hitting a wrong nerve and seriously messing me up or something! LOL

    Keep your chin up and remember tomorrow is a new day. You are so amazing!